R. Eric Thomas Tribune Content Agency
Dear Erik: I have a friend who is an angry and impatient driver. On a recent trip he was the driver and it was a very stressful experience for his passengers. He swore at other drivers, hit the brakes and shouted loudly in the car.
He’s also the type to be impatient with the wait staff, take change from the cashier’s hand, complain about parking, get upset about too many people in a store, and get very angry when asked to calm down. Normally other members of our group try to ignore it or just say “that’s who he is”, but after this last trip I’m wondering if you could give some suggestions on what we can say and how we can behave if we don’t feel comfortable. with his behavior.
– Quiet friend
Best calmness: With all due respect, I’m not sure why you’re still friends with this person. This isn’t a joke to you. Rather, this person’s behavior is downright antisocial and worrying. It’s hard to see a benefit to the friendship.
This may be the result of a psychological or emotional problem. If so, help is available if he accepts it. Try to talk to him about it in a quiet moment. Acknowledge his feelings – frustration, anger, etc. – and also let him know how his behavior affects those around him. “When (x) happened, I felt scared/stressed/uneasy. It worries me, and I think it’s negatively affecting our friendship. When we are together, I want to feel (x) instead.”
You can also use this opportunity to set a non-negotiable limit on what you are a party to. If you don’t feel safe riding in the car with your friend, say so. And follow that statement with action. Don’t get in the car.
If you feel it’s inappropriate to treat the servers rudely (which it is) and you won’t have dinner with him if he does, tell him that too. Urge him to talk to a professional, through one-on-one counseling or in an online or in-person anger management support group.
He may not see his anger as a problem. He may see it as a legitimate response to a world that has not lived up to his expectations. That’s his right, but his actions have consequences and it’s important to let him know and give him a chance to change.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.