The holidays: a time for family, food, and that inevitable awkward conversation you wish you could duck under the table to avoid. Who better to offer advice on navigating the challenge ahead than three standouts in Chicago’s comedy scene?
WBEZ asked Eunji Kim, 42, Jeff Brumfield, 30, and Kenya Elan, 34, to think about how to survive Hanukkah parties and Christmas dinners with your sanity – and dignity – intact.
Best conversation starter at a party
Jeff Brumfield: “Small talk gets a bad rap, but it is necessary. You can’t just open with “Have you had sex today?” Start light: ‘How are you? Have you seen this wild thing on Twitter?’ Take it easy. It’s like stretching before you go for a run.”
Kenya Elan: “I usually go with ‘Why are you here?’ It may seem rude, but hey, it gets people talking. Or, “Is this your first drink?” Depending on how they answer, you will know how to proceed.”
Eunji Kim: “Expressing an opinion. Not a fact. Like: ‘These people seem nice, don’t they.’ It forces them to share their own opinions. Plus, I love route discussions: “Did you take Ashland to get here?” I turned 35 and now I live for short conversations.”
Asking someone how they got to the party is a mood killer, Kenya Elan said.
Worst Party-Vibe Killer
Kenya Elan: “Ask how someone got there, like highway or side streets? That’s an atmosphere killer. Who cares? Let’s talk about literally something else.”
Jeff Brumfield: “Crosstalk in a circle. You know when two people in the group just start yelling at each other? Let’s not. Move side by side. We don’t need a shouting match.”
Third track topics to diligently avoid
Jeff Brumfield: “Family drama. If you know someone is getting divorced or there is deep tension, don’t touch it. You have a whole range of topics to choose from and you reach for the radioactive casserole?’
Eunji Kim: “Apparently the P. Diddy trial is off limits to middle-aged suburbanites. Who knew? I thought everyone would like a little chaos on their cheese plate. No. Mixed company is the problem here. Women drinking wine in the kitchen? We would have been completely over it. But men? Watching football? Not a chance.”
Kenya Elan: “Who you voted for, when you will have a baby and how many glasses of wine you drank. Let’s just agree that no one wants to discuss these things except that one guy who always has a lot to say and no one wants to hear it.”
Eunji Kim (right), pictured with Jeff Brumfield (left) and Kenya Elan (center), says bringing up personal issues is the best way to liven up the conversation at a party.
The best way to make the conversation more exciting
Jeff Brumfield: “Politics. The holidays are a good time to figure out who you’ll be hanging out with for the rest of the year. You want to know where their heads are. It’s like speed dating for relationships.”
Eunji Kim: “Mental health. Personal problems. Let’s consider it normal to talk about it at the dinner table. Why wouldn’t you want to know if someone you love is going through a hard time? I’m Jewish, so this is the case in my home the topic of conversation: ‘Why is she sad? Why does she feel sad? Why would she feel sad?’ ”
Kenya Elan: “How much money you make. Let’s put it all out there. We can rise together! Even if you stole something to prepare the meal or wrap the gift. We’re all cutting back these days. Own it.”
An empty cup is your best friend for escaping awkward interactions, says Jeff Brumfield.
How to escape an awkward interaction
Jeff Brumfield: “An empty cup is your best friend. “Oh, I just need a refill” or “Bathroom break!” Works every time. When someone actually says something Crazy, I just turn and walk away. No explanation needed.”
Eunji Kim: “Lately I’ve become more honest: ‘I don’t want to talk anymore.’ I’m over 40, so I feel like I’ve earned that.
Kenya Elan: “I see someone else standing awkwardly nearby, involve him in the conversation, get him talking and then I ghost. It’s a bit messy, but hey, I’m building a community, even if it’s under duress.”
How to tell your mother you hate her gift
Jeff Brumfield: “I wouldn’t do that. I would lie. I would say, “Thanks, Mom,” and think of all the people who didn’t get anything. I’m a good liar when it comes down to it.”
Kenya Elan: “You don’t tell her. You put it on right away, show her you wear it once, and gift it later. My dad shows up with bags full of flannel and camouflage sweaters and says, “I can’t return it.” So we take it, thank him and drop it off at Goodwill.
Eunji Kim: “Oh, I would win an Oscar for my performance. “I love it, Mom!” Then I let it collect dust for ten years and quietly threw it away. No notes.”
Where can you see the comedians IRL?
Jeff Brumfield regularly performs at Chicago comedy clubs such as the Laugh Factory and Lincoln Lodge. Follow him on Instagram @senseijefe26.
Eunji Kim announces her shows on Instagram @thebesteunji. You can also listen to her podcast, 2Kims1Pod.
Kenya Elan runs the ‘Prime Time’ showcase at the Lincoln Lodge and performs at various bars around the city. Follow her on Instagram @kenia_elan.
Elly Fishman, who reported this story, is a freelance writer and author of “Refugee High: Coming of Age in America.” Courtney Kueppers, who produced this story for the airwaves, is an arts and culture reporter at WBEZ.