A woman has received support online after she opened up about why she is against forming a warm relationship with her partner’s daughters.
The woman named u/themothman arrives Reddittook to the platform to describe her rocky report with her partner of three years, Tim’s daughters. She cited continued hostility and misunderstandings about her intentions and Tim’s finances.
The messageshared on October 30, has led to discussion about the woman’s decision to refuse a “friendly” relationship with Tim’s children.
The 42-year-old woman had described how Tim, 59, came under financial strain as a result of his late wife’s many battles with cancer. He exhausted all his resources, including running up credit card debt, taking out a second mortgage and dipping into his retirement savings to pay for her treatments. After the death of his wife, Tim remained almost bankrupt.
Meanwhile, the woman has financial stability thanks to a trust fund, despite Tim’s daughters initially speculating that she might be looking for their father’s money that they didn’t know he had lost.
‘He’s in banking, I’m a bartender. I know what it looks like,” the woman said. “His two daughters felt the same way, but he’s jokingly broke and I have a trust fund, so not really.”
Despite the woman’s initial attempts to accompany Tim on a family visit, his daughters turned her away. Both Christmases spent with them were characterized by the daughters ignoring her, monopolizing Tim’s time, and preventing her and their husbands from interacting.
After the second holiday, she decided not to accompany Tim to future Christmas gatherings, a decision that Tim reluctantly accepted.
“I didn’t tell Tim again this year,” she said. “He could go. I would never ask him not to see his daughters for Christmas, but I’m staying here.”
She leased him a luxury car through her brother’s dealership to ease his travel since his car couldn’t make the trip.
The situation escalated when an excited Tim informed his daughters about the new car. Accusations soon followed, with the daughters wrongly assuming Tim had squandered their mother’s life insurance money. The ensuing family feud revealed the harsh truths of Tim’s money problems and that he had been living in his girlfriend’s house without contributing much financially.
Psychologist Caitlin Slavens says this deeper divide could provide an opportunity for an honest conversation.
“Now that the air has been cleared on financial matters, Tim needs to talk openly to his daughters about his situation, without involving his partner, to avoid additional pressure,” she said. Newsweek.
Tim’s daughters have since suddenly turned to amicable settlement, attempting to make contact and even plan a summer visit, but the woman decided not to give them her number. She said that while she would remain polite, she had no interest in building a friendship or family relationship after their previous treatment.
Slavens said the daughters may still be coming to terms with their mother’s death and that their grief, coupled with misunderstandings about their father’s financial sacrifices, may have fueled their initial hostility.
“The woman doesn’t have to become good friends with Tim’s daughters, but maintaining civility is crucial,” Slavens told Newsweek. ‘A neutral setting for future interactions can benefit everyone involved, ensuring comfort and respect.
“And recognizing the daughters’ grief can contextually frame their behavior, alleviate personal pain, and help the woman process her feelings without harboring resentment.”
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The Reddit post, which has received more than 18,000 upvotes, has drawn online comments from viewers. Many have supported the woman and stated that they agree with her decision to keep her guard up.
“Are they apologetic or making fun of you knowing you’re the meal ticket and not their dad,” said one Redditor. “Even if you choose to forgive, I would maintain a healthy cynicism about their intentions for at least a while.”
“Their sudden interest smacks of opportunism, not genuine remorse. Trust must be earned,” said one commentator.
“Yeah, ironic that they suddenly (want) to talk to OP because they know she has money,” another person wrote.
Newsweek contacted u/themothmancommeth for comment via Reddit.
Have you noticed any warning signs that led you to end a relationship? Let us know at [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice and your story can be posted on the site Newsweek.