For queer students, being home at Christmas can make it harder to express themselves Gemma Sweeney for Varsity
Christmas is intense. Burned out after Sinterklaas, you are forced to make bad jokes, board games and bewildered looks from family who now understand you a little less. This is especially true for queer students. With the freedom to explore and express ourselves disappearing from our view on the train home, it’s easy to think you’ll never survive the holidays. But I’ve rounded up my best tips to help you maintain your queer glitter this holiday season.
“So, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” After spending Sinterklaas surrounded by people who don’t accept your sexuality — or at least don’t know what the carabiner on your jeans really means — it can be hard to be confronted with family who are barking up the wrong tree. But there are a few ways you can deal with it.
“You’re not just dating Andy from Clare, you’re dating Andrew Karađorđević, Prince of Yugoslavia”
My personal favorite is lying. Choose the most beautiful person on Instagram and tell your family that they are your talented, intelligent and (most importantly) heterosexual partner. And you can go as big as you want. Not only are you dating Andy from Clare, you’re dating Andrew Karađorđević, Prince of Yugoslavia (sadly he died in 1990 after attending Cambridge in the 1940s, but you get my point). The one who will impress your family, it’s them – But they live hopelessly (and conveniently) far away. If you’re thinking long term, a devastating breakup over Easter will be the perfect excuse to avoid your family after Lent.
If your acting skills are not up to par, you can always deny it, regardless of whether you have a partner or not. It may initially feel like a disservice to your queerness not to engage with these questions, but it’s not. Christmas isn’t always about making grand political statements; sometimes it’s just a matter of getting through it.
Nevertheless, the Christmas holidays are the most common time for people to come to their families. You may be wondering if this is the right time.
As you’ve seen on Instagram accounts featuring Canva flag illustrations and run by blue-haired teens, coming out is a “very personal journey.” That means it has to be done on your terms and on your time. Unfortunately, that is an idealization. You may come out because of a slip of the tongue while telling a story, or because your father asks you outright. However it happens, prepare for the fact that your coming out story won’t be as cinematic or as heartwarming as you hope.
“There’s nothing wrong with staying in the closet this season”
This can be especially true if you are trans or non-binary. Coming out can be exhausting, requiring you to delve into the intricacies of gender as if it were an HSPS supervision. But remember: this is not surveillance. You won’t be judged on how well you can explain gender to your grandmother; In fact, it’s not even mandatory. Christmas brings a lot of mandatory family time, so if avoiding distressing or emotional topics helps you cope, then there’s nothing wrong with staying in the closet this season.
If you do decide to come out, remember that your uni friends are only at the end of the line. A tear-soaked FaceTime isn’t the same as a hug in the MASH smoking area, but it helps. And if you haven’t fostered a queer audience, there’s always Facebook. For all its problems, Queerbridge II can be a truly supportive environment when it needs to be. If you put micropolitical grandstanding aside for honest outpourings this Christmas, you’d be surprised at the number of people willing to offer support and guidance anonymously.
If you expect home to be a difficult place for your queerness, my best advice is to look elsewhere. There are plenty of examples of festive queer joy to be found outside the four walls of your nursery, or even within them. Take the classic cheesy Christmas movie: No one ever said holiday movies had to be heterosexual.
2009 Make Christmas gay follows a proud gay man who returns to the closet to celebrate Christmas with his family – current, right? But as one Rotten Tomatoes review puts it, this movie is “a light, fluffy holiday movie that will make you happy.” An unexpected visit from his friend is more humorous than heartbreaking.
The one from Netflix Single all the way features a gay singleton who, desperate to avoid his parents’ incessant questions, convinces his best friend to pretend to be his boyfriend during the holidays. I’m sure you can guess how that turns out.
The point is, while indulging in Quality Street, you can also enjoy escapism. Going home for the holidays can be difficult as a queer person, but don’t lose sight of the fact that being queer isn’t a problem. It’s a gift, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
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