- When my therapist suggested that decluttering might ease my anxiety and OCD symptoms, I was skeptical.
- I decided to give it a try and started looking for a method that could help me with the process.
- It became easier when I focused on what to keep instead of what to throw away.
Anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder had been puppeteering my life for almost two years when my occupational therapist recommended I try decluttering to alleviate my symptoms. Although at that point I had noticed some improvements after a year of therapy, I was also suffering from a number of health issues, including: long COVID-19and it felt like I was trudging along.
Over time, I became afraid to leave my own home because I was terrified of getting sick again. My life often felt meaningless and unrecognizable. I couldn’t see how getting rid of some possessions could help. Despite my skepticism, I wanted to feel like myself again. I longed for my house to no longer resemble an obstacle course.
My therapist helped me see why the clutter was such a problem
My apartment was already messy and stressing me out, and then my mother moved; everything I had stored in her garage was suddenly in my living room. My son and I had to create paths between the boxes to get from one room to another.
“You have to repeatedly get over your past—you’re reminded of it every day,” my occupational therapist said. He had summarized in one sentence exactly why I couldn’t move forward. I started cleaning up immediately after that appointment.
I’ve tried a few different decluttering methods
I was looking for a system that could help me get started. The KonMari method I noticed it first, but my sentimental nature decided that everything caused joy – even a bag of rocks. For decades I had given objects the same sentimental value as the memories they represented, and now it was hard to get rid of them.
The four-box method – sorting items into boxes labeled keep, donate/sell, storage, and trash – didn’t work for me either. When the indecision caused by my anxiety took over, almost everything ended up in the storage box, which I actually saw as a “maybe” box. All I ended up doing was pushing it around the apartment. I was afraid I would regret getting rid of anything, so I decided it was safest not to get rid of anything.
However, working with my occupational therapist, I realized that guilt played a role in holding on to some things—as if getting rid of something would also mean losing that memory. So I took a deep breath and prepared to be ruthless.
By reimagining the process of decluttering, I was able to tackle it
The next method was deciding what to keep rather than what to throw away. This change in mentality ensured that the decluttering process more fun; it was easier to focus on the things I cherished than on the things I would lose, even when the end goal was the same. Inspired by cleaning up blogs, I also considered whether to buy the item now if I didn’t already have it, to help me decide how much I wanted something I wasn’t sure about.
Whenever I struggled with indecision (which was often), I remembered that my home should (and could) be a place where I relax, rather than a cluster of clutter and unrecorded decisions.
With each carload donated to charity, the stress began to leave my body. The catharsis of releasing my grip on each box as I handed it over gave me the calm and clarity I craved. I gave myself permission to move on – permission to no longer let my past control my present and future.
It didn’t go completely smoothly, but I finally got it done
However, I was not prepared when OCD tried to take control of the situation. After a few weeks, I started to feel stressed if I didn’t put away a certain amount of stuff every day. When I realized what was going on, I forced myself not to clean up for a few days just so I could calm the OCD and come back with the right mindset.
A few months later, as I continued to clean out my apartment, my sleep improved and my energy levels increased. I experienced fewer anxious thoughts, and when they occurred, I had the energy to rationalize most of them.
I was untangling myself from the burdens of my past as I removed their physical manifestations from my apartment, free up space in my house so I could finally relax and give myself something to focus on other than my spiraling thoughts.
After cleaning up I feel relieved
While I don’t believe decluttering has opened a magical portal to my recovery, I have no doubt that it has helped immensely. I managed to clear out most of my belongings in what felt like an act of liberation. I only kept things that I need or cherish.
My home isn’t perfect, and neither is my mental health. But I’m happy. It took me 21 months to finish it cleaning up my house — I had to adapt myself because I couldn’t do it every day or for hours at a time. I finished completely about nine months ago. And in the time since I first started, I’ve gone from severe anxiety and not being able to leave my house without prior planning, to living a life that I can honestly say I appreciate.
By means of working with my therapistreading self-help books, decluttering, taking daily walks, meditating, journaling, and rediscovering the things that bring me joy, the symptoms caused by my anxiety have diminished. I also gained support from loved ones, improved my food choices, and developed a morning routine that gives me a sense of purpose again.
While anxiety and OCD are still unpaying tenants in my eyes, they no longer have the level of control they used to have. By putting away the things that caused me anxiety, I have created space for the things that bring me joy.
My home and mind are no longer caves of chaos.
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