Even when other family members recognize that they are unhealthy, families with narcissistic parents can be incredibly dysfunctional and have long-lasting effects on the well-being of their partners and children. From maintaining a healthy parenting atmosphere to overstepping boundaries, these narcissistic parents often prioritize their own needs and wants over those of their entire family.
According to a 2005 study on narcissismThese harmful tendencies often stem from insecurity and manifest in blame-shifting, self-centered practices, and toxic reactions rooted in their easily offended mentality. Often highlighted by interpersonal relationships, there are specific things that happen over time to families with a narcissistic parent that are difficult to unlearn and difficult to deal with.
Here are 10 things that happen over time to families with a narcissistic parent:
1.They stop collecting for holidays.
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While the consequences of a narcissistic parent, called ‘narcissistic injury’ by Professor Nina W. Brown in her book ‘Children of the Self-Centered’ linger in the relationships, connections, and identities of adult children even after they have lost contact, the most common characteristic of these families is their inability to get together for holidays and family gatherings.
From birthdays to typical holidays, families with a narcissistic parent will often not get back together, hurt not only by the behavior of this toxic parent, but also by the personal struggles they have faced after growing up in their home.
Although they tend to struggle with cultivating it, these parents’ partners and children are forced to rely on their inner circle and community, rather than their family, to celebrate.
2.Family members lose contact with each other.
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When the connection between family members in adulthood is almost always a discussion or complaint about a narcissistic family member when that person is removed from the dynamic—whether through a “no contact” order or otherwise—other people in the family tend to tune out the dynamics. to touch. Without the shared experience of navigating that narcissistic and toxic relationship, they often have nothing to commit to.
According to the author of the book “Is there a narcissist in your life?” Amanda Clymont, This familial alienation is almost inevitable to the family dynamic with a narcissistic parent. Even after that person is “cut out” or dies, the effects of their impact on the health and well-being of the family continue.
A lot of people who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to focus all their time and energy on that relationship, either mitigating conflict or protecting peace, pushing aside their own identity and growth. When they are no longer “responsible” or burdened with that duty, the actual consequences for their self-esteem become clearer.
3.Children themselves develop narcissistic tendencies.
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According to a 2015 study on the origins of narcissismMany adult children adopt certain narcissistic tendencies from their parents, usually involving ideas of superiority and overevaluation of parents. Although the development of narcissism remains largely under-researched, most experts agree that an unhealthy childhood environment, and more specifically a toxic parent, can contribute to misguided and self-centered tendencies.
Instead of harnessing the power of “parental warmth,” as the study explores, to promote self-esteem in children, these narcissistic parents tend to foster competition, unrealistic expectations of success, and overbearing tendencies in their children – leaving the cycle of toxicity continues. , even into adulthood.
4.Family interactions seem overshadowed by negativity.
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For families with a narcissistic parent who still meet, most interactions are tainted by the negativity of their actions or language. Significantly, for children who grew up trying to regulate themselves amid their parents’ toxic behavior, being in the same room again only adds to the resentment and sadness they have to deal with.
Instead of enjoying a birthday party, connecting with family members, or having a fun Thanksgiving meal, families with a narcissistic parent feel obligated to “protect the peace,” a tendency that argues Harvard psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin is far too common in similar family dynamics.
5.Adult children have difficulty maintaining their own personal relationships.
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If a 2018 study on narcissistic parents argues that this is typical of adult children from similar backgrounds; Many will have difficulty maintaining their healthy relationships into adulthood. Their tendency to protect others’ emotions at the expense of their own and to isolate themselves in response to conflict directly sabotages the open communication needed to cultivate healthy connections.
Suppose they choose that no longer have contact with their narcissistic parent or their entire family as a result of the shared experience. In that case, they are often forced to experience the burden of loneliness alone, allowing them to build a healthy inner circle for support and healing.
6.Everyone becomes competitive with each other.
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Many families with narcissistic parents who maintain contact often develop toxic competitive dynamics with each other, in an attempt to earn validation and attention from their parents. Especially considering that narcissistic parents often cultivate a transactional relationship with their children growing up, rewarding them for achieving goals and taking away emotional support when they “fail,” this same tendency tends to influence their relationships into adulthood .
Informed by their parents’ inflated egos and sense of superiority, many adult children will internalize that experience. a study Brain informatics suggests, and compete with each other to meet their need for validation.
Not only does this competition create a disconnect between siblings and other parents, it also prevents everyone in the family from maintaining an aura of self-confidence and self-esteem that serves as the foundation for healthy relationships.
7.Boundaries are not respected.
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Creating and asserting boundaries with a narcissist is essentially “a lifeline” for family members hoping to protect their emotional well-being and mental health, at least according to family therapist Daniel Dashnaw. With clear communication and the ability to stand up for themselves, family members can ensure they are not taken advantage of.
However, because they have spent their entire lives with this person, some toxic things happen over time to families with narcissistic parents when it comes to setting boundaries. Not only are they difficult to enforce, because adult children’s people-pleasing tendencies never really go away without being properly acknowledged, but they are often exceeded when families are in constant contact with each other.
8.They become emotionally abusive.
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While many family dynamics with a narcissistic parent may harbor occasionally emotionally abusive tendencies early on, but as time passes and children mature, these tendencies can become more extreme – especially among other family members who feel compelled to protect their space in a language their narcissistic parent understands: with the blame shifting, emotional invalidation, and attention-seeking behavior.
As siblings fight for affirmation, parents struggle to maintain a healthy relationship in an empty house, emotional support is completely rejected, family gatherings become tumultuous, and the entire family dynamic becomes a pillar of fear and toxicity for everyone involved.
9.Everyone has secrets.
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Many narcissistic families, driven by a toxic parent or leader, are constantly concerned about external validation and their “public image,” so it is not uncommon for members to feel pressured to keep secrets.
Using manipulative tactics and deception, they are forced to pretend that “everything is fine” – creating a misguided image of the perfect family while suffering from isolation and emotional burdens. It is this denial that contributes to an overwhelming sense of resentment among families with a narcissistic parent, driving a wedge in hopes for a healthy bond.
10.Siblings start blackmailing each other.
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Because one child is more likely to become the “surrogate partner,” or the pillar of emotional validation and attention for a narcissistic parent in this family dynamic, explains therapist Kaytee Gillisthe disconnect between siblings is well known. Resentment often builds when a sibling sacrifices their own life and well-being to “protect the peace,” impacting the bond they share personally – even outside the context of their parents.
As a result, the complex feelings and shared experiences of having a narcissistic parent become ‘blackmail’ between siblings – often used as a means to assert dominance or superiority over the other. The same validation and attention-seeking behavior they despised in their parents begins to define their own.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango, focusing on health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.
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