Dear Annie: I live in New York City and have had a solid group of friends for the past ten years. We are all young, gay professionals in our twenties and thirties.
A few years ago an acquaintance joined our circle. Initially he was a nice addition and we welcomed him with open arms. However, over time I have noticed disturbing behavior.
He has developed a habit of taking over social situations, often dismissing others’ stories or making negative comments about people he barely knows. It feels like he’s trying to dominate conversations and overshadow long-standing friendships. More recently I have learned that he organizes vacations and social events without involving me, often with people I have introduced him to.
When I confronted him about this last summer, he dismissed it as a “miscommunication.” He expressed his regret and assured me that he loves me and my family, but his actions do not seem to match his words. I’m not sure I want to continue building a friendship with him, but I’m also not sure how to navigate this situation within my close group of friends. What should I do? — Left out in NYC
Best left winger: Normally I would recommend direct, honest communication with this gentleman, sharing your feelings and trying to smooth things over. However, it sounds like you’ve already tried and been rejected. Another conversation will likely fall on deaf ears.
Focus on the other friendships in your group, where your efforts are appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is – there’s no need for bad blood or forcing a relationship between the two of you – but trust your gut. It’s there for a reason.
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