For some people, loneliness is not a luxury; it is a necessity for a happy and balanced life. Recently the word has become loneliness was created to describe the feeling of wanting more time alone, and feeling dissatisfied and frustrated when you can’t get it.
If this sounds like you, loneliness probably feels less like a choice and more like a need. Time alone means time to think, sort through emotions, more recently after a stressful day, or do your own thing without anyone interrupting you.
In his landmark research on this concept, described as the “mirror image” of lonelinesspsychologist Robert J. Coplan noted that people who score high on loneliness experience less well-being if they do not get enough time in solitude; in particular, they show higher levels of stress and an increase in depressive symptoms.
But a recent one study indicates that such negative outcomes go beyond individual effects. It seems there are real interpersonal consequences to a lack of time for myself.
Researchers Julie Swets and Cathy Cox tried to solve the following riddle: Given that loneliness is a fundamental psychological need for those who are often alone, and given that romantic relationships typically require (and thrive on) time spent together, how can only people in partnership reconcile these two competing forces?
Swets and Cox reasoned that anger and aggression may be a logical outcome, as these states occur when other essential psychological needs are not met (e.g., the feeling of being respected or accepted). In fact, they found that in samples of both students and adults, feelings of anger and aggression were significantly higher in people who felt lonely.
But here’s the problem: These rising anger and aggression scores only occurred among the lonely people who were in a romantic relationship, not among the lonely participants who were single.
Why? Presumably, the single people knew that they could solve their loneliness problem by making some time for loneliness (presumably their single status offered more time and space to be alone). Those in relationships, on the other hand, had to “spend too much of their precious alone time with their romantic partners,” and this caused feelings of anger and aggression.
This may seem puzzling. Aren’t relationships the source of a happy life? To a certain extent. Research shows and indicates that time in solitude is also important for well-being happiness is about getting the right thing balance of loneliness and relationships. And if you feel alone, it means that the relationship is wrong.
The study authors concluded that loneliness can be a “trigger to aggression,” especially when someone who needs time for themselves to regulate their emotions is deprived of that time and therefore feels tense and exhausted. No wonder they get angry. They simply have few resources left to get the best out of themselves.
Aggression is obviously not the answer, but neither is sacrificing the quality of alone time that is so crucial to our emotional well-being. The researchers also pointed out that loneliness is not the only factor – or probably even the most important factor – of aggression towards a partner. Other factors include being provoked by your partner, being drunk, or scoring high on what is known as “dark.” personality properties such as narcissism.
These research findings are valuable because they serve as validation for those of us dealing with solitude, reminding us (and our partners) that taking the solitude time we need is important and beneficial – both for us own good as well as for health. of our relationships.