Today, Netflix canceled the reunion for the seventh season of Love is blind. Amid all the relationship drama, cast member Hanna Jiles debuted a weight loss transformation. Ahead of the reunion, Hannah, 27, opened up about her health journey, the online backlash she received and how she’s feeling now.
I think about my body image every day, every waking second. It started when I was young. I went through a little fat phase in high school – I ate Debbie cakes – and I was made fun of at school. I went to sleepovers where we bought the computer and saw skinny girls on Tumblr. From an early age I learned that you have to be small to be beautiful.
My weight has been a struggle my entire life. I went to college and gained some weight there. I was very insecure and hated myself. When Covid came, I gained even more weight than I had ever had in my life. I was 220 and 6 feet tall – that was my heaviest. I decided that I had to do something if I wanted to lose weight because I felt unhealthy.
I started eating less and exercising more.
I’m not a big athlete. I’m just trying to move. I started running. I go to Pilates maybe once a week, once every two weeks. I really believe a lot of it is what you need. Simple things – just getting up and moving – really make a difference for me.
I changed my diet. I always did crash diets growing up, but I just tried to eat until I was full. I don’t follow a strict diet: during the day I make sure I get proteins and vegetables. If I want dessert, I’ll have dessert. I just share it. I like soft drinks. Now I only drink it every other day – or sometimes once a day – but I drink a lot more water now. That really helped me feel better.
I really tried Ozempic in late spring this year for two weeks. I thought, ‘Okay, everyone’s doing this. Let’s see if it will work for me.’ Two weeks was all I could do. Unfortunately for me, I just got way too nauseous, way too sick. I thought, ‘I’d rather do the same thing than this.’ It made me as sick as a dog.
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I lost 40 pounds before we filmed. After the show I lost another 30 pounds. Now I’m thinner than I was in high school. I feel my best now, but who knows what will happen in the future? It ebbs and flows. It’s always something I really have to work on.
I didn’t know I would be talking about my weight on TV.
When you participate in the experiment, you will be asked to ask deep questions, such as: what is your biggest fear? What is your biggest insecurity? I think, ‘What is my biggest insecurity?’ It’s my weight. In my mind I thought, “What better way to be vulnerable with someone than to share your biggest insecurities?” This is something that is inherently part of me, so I wanted to share my struggle.
When the reveal happened, I was definitely worried. That’s why I put so much emphasis on being a big man, because I thought it would make me less insecure about myself. Even when I looked my best, I was still aware of what someone would think: that they would think I was fat. Nick is just a charmer, so you don’t know if he’s saying the right things. And because I’m insecure about myself, even if he does believe it, I might not do that.
Honestly, it’s a little creepy to see my comments section. Everyone saw me on the show – I’m only 30 pounds lighter now, it’s not that big of a difference – but to them it’s like, ‘Oh my God.’ At first it was all, “Big back. She’s so fat.’ Then her saw that I had lost weightand then I was like, “Her personality is ugly” and a spam of a thousand “Ozempic” comments.
The one that hurt me the most said, “Oh, she looks like that because she has social media filters. Let’s see what she looks like at the reunion.’ So I thought, ‘Oh my God, I have to be perfect.’ That’s ridiculous, but that’s exactly how I felt. There’s a point where you make fun of everything you can. I’ve seen it all at this point.
I’m in a much better mental space than when I was filming the show.
The show brought out the worst in me. There are qualities that I had that were not qualities that I am proud of. I don’t take back how I felt at that moment, and I don’t think being a rude bitch is who I am at my core. That may be true sometimes, but I think there is much more to it. I’m very, very, very hard on myself. I’m so hard on myself that I’ve projected that onto other people.
When I rewatched it, I just realized that I don’t have to be like that. I have found a little peace with myself. It doesn’t mean I’m 100 percent, but I think I’ve learned a lot about who I am. You see how insecure and uncomfortable it is for me to talk about it. Weight is something that makes me feel so bad about myself. Of course I still struggle with it, but I feel a lot more confident in my own skin now.
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According to society’s beauty standards, if you are taller you are considered worse. I just feel like you should just talk about it. Screw them. Who cares what someone says? You really realize that when you see how people treat you differently, especially if you’ve been heavier and thinner. As long as you’re happy with yourself, that’s really all that matters.
I’m really proud that I ended up here. If I don’t stay here it’s okay, but I’m happy where I am now.